Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
