She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
