I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Can I color on your dick again?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
