I'm going to jail i love you
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
