i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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