i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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