I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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