You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
