can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
