Don't make out with my wife yet
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
