Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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