Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
