last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
