I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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