I wish I only lived at night.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
