Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
