I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I pour the whiskey from now on
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
