just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
