Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
