Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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