When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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