Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
