eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
