Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
