have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
