how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
