I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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