just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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