Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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