i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize