she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
