i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
