hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
