Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
