I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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