found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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