So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize