So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
