Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
