i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
