matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
