The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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