i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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