areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Define "chronic" masturbator.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
