The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
