You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
