Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
