I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
