You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
