The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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