then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's always time for handjobs
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
