Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
