Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
