Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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