Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
