Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
