You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
