Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
