Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
