I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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