she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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