Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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