All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
