I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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