wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
