if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
