I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
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There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize