yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.