K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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