Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream