Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
