I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
