I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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