morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
