I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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