I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
